Dabmaster Saga

The Dabmaster Saga is the name for a loose story arc that appeared in the main branch remices from right after the Crazy Noisy Showdown, concurrently with the Jo Saga. It was mostly framed as a conversation between two people, and the letters that formed each piece of dialogue were written out onto frames of the Popato Chisp's animation. It eventually ended early due to Increase Happyness overwriting it with pure happyness.

The Dabmaster Saga, and the remices that featured it, were later adapted into the short story Girono goses to the tuna factory and dies. This story revealed that the conversation took place several months after the remices themselves, being part of a conversation between Remix Master Matthew, Melone, and Giorno Giovanna.

Text

He is watching. Be wary of the Dabmaster. His underlings are Motu, Patlu, Gattu, Battu, Ninja, and Kenichi. They hold unspeakable power which they feed to him through subterranean energy transfer shrines. His power is near infinite. You have to run immediately. Go. Please.

Is that a challenge? I refuse to back down and cower in fear during humanity's time of greatest need! I was the one who started this mess and awakened him and now I have a debt to pay! No matter the cost, this Dabmaster has to be taken out and I am the one to do it!!

You seem to believe that you are capable of destroying him. What an amusing delusion. His dabs shake the earth and their devastating effects propagate throughout time; nothing may be restored. How many times has he already dabbed? Two hundred thirty seven. I counted.

The one mistake the Dabmaster made was letting me survive this long. You see, I have been able to recover the one known weapon able to pierce his hide, thought lost to time. It is known as the Lightning-Charged Axe, Armads, and I have it in a secret place waiting to strike.

The tempo-rotational nature of his epic dabs has already terminated your attack before you will even try to begin it. It will soon rotate back around through the timestream in order to meet you at your current time-space co-ords. お前はもう死んでいる.

Then instead of attempting futilely to attack him, I should try to negotiate with him!! Maybe he doesn't understand the destruction his dabs are causing, or if he does, then I could convince him to spare the beings of this planet. I cannot let us all die. だが断る.

You won't be able to. He lives two million years from now; the only way he can send dabs to our time is through the time energy his underlings give him. Your only hope is to ride his dabs' temporal shockwave back to his time, which has a 92% chance of instantly killing you.

Well what in the world am I waiting for then?! If that's what needs to be done to save us all then what other choice do I have? An 8% hit rate is all I need. Surf's up! By the way, how do you know all this, and why tell it to me? Whose side are you on anyhow? Do you work for him?

Oh, you mean me? My name is Matth—
Hello. Welcome to my realm. Others may know me as the Dabmaster, but to myself I am known solely as Clătită the Almighty. What is it that you wish for? In my realm, I have near-unlimited power thanks to the work of my loyal disciples. Most people who enter my realm yearn for something, and I will gladly grant that wish, whatever it may be. Anyway, while you're working your wish out, I'm gonna go dab some more. Be back in a few.

Wait! Before you continue dabbing, listen to what I have to say! I don't know if you mean to or not but your dabs are razing my home planet of Earth! If you want humanity erased then let me show you our worth! If not, let me find a way to protect it from your dabs.

I AM SO HAPPY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO HUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHU OH YES OH YES OH YES OH YES OH YES I AM JUST EVER SO HAPPY! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL BWAHAHA